19-Oct-2015 17:22

Dating cold

At the beginning, he comes on strong – he pursues you relentlessly, buys you gifts, compliments you, plans dates and outings, makes an effort to make you feel special…then, months down the track; it stops. He stops complimenting you and starts to seem distant, he says he’s ‘too busy’ or ‘under a lot of stress’, he stops planning things and even becomes more passive, or says he’s not sure about his feelings for you, and goes hot and cold.Now, this is not the path every man/woman relationship always takes, but it is certainly the same path many women have had to go through.

(Click here to take the quiz “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)Here is what happened: When we are in lust, or even when we fall in love at the beginning of a relationship, our instincts are at work – a primitive part of the brain, a part that some call the ‘lizard brain’.This is the part of the brain that is in every living creature – of course, reptiles included. Survival is paramount, for this part of our brain, and so is baby making.When you are very attracted to someone at the beginning, you (and them) subconsciously put out the ‘best’ parts of yourself, whether you like it or not. At this stage, the man claims he loves babies, children and prams, and the woman is crazy about the man, wants sex a lot, and is far easier to make happy.Here’s an interesting conclusion from a recent study: When men fall in love, their testosterone levels lower. Have you ever promised yourself you would do NEVER do something EVER again, like, say, never lose your temper with your man again, or never eat a chocolate candy bar again, and then….ultimately, you do?Because NOW, it’s not new anymore, maybe those feel-good brain chemicals are not running like mad, and now you actually have to work at it – which is a hard reality to deal with, for many.

Even if you truly have good intentions, and want to work on something – it’s hard to know what to do. Click here to know how to stay high value when he pulls away Since a man wants to make you happy (this need is at the core of him), this is like a blow to the guts for many men, and they may get confused, withdraw, and start to feel less inclined to take things to the next level, partly because they are not being made to feel like a man anymore.

And if he doesn’t feel like he was able to please you – or if he didn’t feel like he was enough for you – he will feel hurt. If a man feels like he’s not able to make you happy, or if he’s afraid you will be impossible to make happy – he’s going to pull away, get confused, or even leave, or run hot and cold. He’s probably had past experiences with women where he was hurt – we’ve all been hurt in an intimate relationship before, and he’s just a bit scared. See, if a man really desires you OR if he is falling in love with you, he HAS to come on strong. He wouldn’t secure a mate or pass on his genes otherwise.

However, when women fall in love, their testosterone levels are increased (creating more equal testosterone levels in the man and the woman) and because of this, at this early stage of the relationship, men and women than they normally would in their behaviour and interactions. It tells you that after a few months, even 3-9 months, your instincts aren’t such a strong driving force anymore, and the other parts of your personality as well as the other parts of your man start to surface. And not only that – but because your behaviour and your biochemistry starts to become more and more different after the initial period, he (the man) starts to meet a resistance (which I will talk more about below). And after you do it, you think “hang on, what am I doing? This is the subconscious part of your brain simply going for what feels great in the moment.

Didn’t I promise myself I wasn’t going to do that?!! Kind of like getting a quick fix in the moment of an emotional difficulty. At least it feels that way to him, because now you’ve got reality to deal with.

So what happens is that over time, in your relationship with a man, even thought things seem so great in the beginning, over time, as your instincts are no longer such an enormous drive (of course, your instincts still drive you a lot, just less so than when you were first driven by intense lust and attraction), it becomes much harder for the man to make the woman happy. And – now you are both seeing the other parts of each other.

Not just the ‘Mr Perfect’ you saw at the beginning and not just the ‘Little Miss Perfect’ YOU!

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