20-Nov-2015 11:30

Aa recovery and dating

An estimated 40 to 60 percent of addicts relapse, according to the National Institute on Drug Abuse.

Someone with less than a year sober should stay focused on their recovery program, not dating.This guideline is designed to protect the addict as well as the people they might date.In the earliest stages, most recovering addicts are trying to figure out who they are, what they want and how to be in a healthy relationship.Beyond the first year, the longer someone has maintained their sobriety the more secure you can feel that you’re choosing a partner who is healthy and whole.In working with the spouses and significant others of addicts, I’ve often heard it said, “I’d rather be an addict than love one.” While few people would ever walk eyes-wide-open into a chronic disease like addiction, the statement speaks to the confusion, loneliness and despair common not only among addicts but also the men and women who love them. In fact, addicts who are solid in their recovery can make excellent partners.A history of addiction doesn’t necessarily turn Mr./Mrs. They’ve waged a courageous battle, spending a great deal of time working to take care of and improve themselves.

But before you put yourself in a position to fall for an addict, there are a few things you need to know: For anyone considering dating an active addict, it is important to realize that love cannot conquer addiction.

Addiction takes priority over everything – you, children, career, financial security, even one’s own freedom.

Before diving into a relationship, find out if your prospective partner is actively using drugs or alcohol, or if they display addictive or compulsive patterns in other areas (e.g., gambling, work, sex, food or spending).

If you care about someone in active addiction, help them into treatment and hold off on turning a friendship into more until they’re grounded in their recovery.

If they are in recovery, how long have they stayed sober?

Are they actively working a program of recovery (e.g., participating in self-help support meetings, counseling or an aftercare program)?

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